I need a title...

"Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."


"Life is unsure, always eat your dessert first."


"After all is said and done, usually more is said."


"Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it."


"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a dark side, it has a light side, and it holds the Universe together."
~ Carl Zwanig ~


"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."


"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"


"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you."


"Fish and visitors smell in three days."
~ Benjamin Franklin, 1736 ~


"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was."


"The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they'll sleep at night."
~ Otto von Bismarck ~


"If you can smile when things go wrong then you have someone in mind to blame."


"Down with gravity!"


"If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what the heck does a humanitarian eat!?"


"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics."
~ Benjamin Disraeli ~


"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get to work."


"A bargain is something you cannot use at a price you cannot resist."


"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
~ Mark Twain (1835-1910) ~


"Some day my ship will come in, but with my luck, I'll be at the airport."


"A kid's idea of a balanced diet is a hamburger in each hand."


"If a man says something, but there's no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?"


"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is."
~ Ellen DeGeners ~

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
~ George Carlin ~


"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
~ Groucho Marx ~


"I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain."
~ Carol Leifer ~